INSIDE THIS ANCIENT AND INSANE THEATER

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 00:09:43 GMT

finally gained the lucky view of the world
now it's back to the basics
folk and flannel shirts
corn, water, and wine.
bad habits walk past and I never look back.
this is who I really am
more human than ever before.

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 03:10:37 GMT

Man, can you help me out? Bring me back to love. Bring me back to life.

Words that will never say enough.

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Tue, 26 May 2009 17:19:01 GMT

There's definitely something sacred
about this particular space and time,
how natural it feels to fit in your arms
and for your body to melt into mine.

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 18:02:10 GMT

I don't know who I am anymore. Someone please remind me.

I need to rediscover myself.

To Erik

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:12:19 GMT

Let's please pretend that last night was just a dream. We're gonna make this happen no matter what it takes. Because I know what we have is something really special.

I know now that it's not necessary for me to spill my heart out to you all at once. As difficult as it is for me to do, it's much better to reveal myself to you more slowly and to take things as they come.

This all goes back to what you mentioned earlier, which I just now realized is so ridiculously true. I am not as comfortable with myself as I should be. I do not have enough self-respect to stay alone for very long, and that is exactly the reason why I am so eager to give my heart away.

When I ask you to tell me how you feel about me or to tell me why you fell in love with me, that's my insecurities talking. I need to not place so much value on your opinion of me. I really need to grow as a person and improve my opinion of myself.

I guess I have a lot to learn. I just don't know where to start.

Why I wore flowers in my hair.

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 21:15:08 GMT

It was like we were prophets and visionaries
channeling new ideas
that flowed so naturally through us like early spring's raging rivers.
We were only fifteen,
hearts pumping strong
and open to the entire world.
Our epiphanies experienced in unison,
we discovered raw truth all at once
the notion that WE WERE ALIVE
and nothing was more exciting than the moment we were living right then.

All the King's Horses by Robert Plant

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 23:31:31 GMT

Swift and true straight to my heart,
Love has come calling and I'm back there again
I pour myself a brand new start
Glad to be falling for the beauty within.

All the King's horses, all the King's men
I'm on the outside looking in
Over and over and over again
There's no telling where I've been
How I returned here, how much I have seen

All the King's horses, all the King's men
I'll weave a circle round the sun
Throw down my arms and give my all
I'll be your soldier of love
I'll weave a circle round the sun
Throw down my arms and give my all
I'll be your soldier of love
I am your soldier of love

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 05:27:02 GMT

There's nothing half so sweet in life as love's young dreams.

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 03:42:37 GMT

Tiger Mountain Peasant Song by Fleet Foxes is the most beautiful song I've ever heard.

I am a crazy cat lady

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 19:13:06 GMT

Am I destined to become a lonely old woman whose closest friends are the cats that roam around her ancient, empty house? I can believe it.

I talk to my cats more than I talk to any real humans in my life. What makes them such good company is that they don't talk back. Or argue.

They just listen. And they love me no matter what.

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 20:53:58 GMT

My life is an emotional train wreck.

My heart is slowly breaking.

I want my life back.

For once, I actually relate to those lyrics.

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 05:53:07 GMT

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 22:35:33 GMT

I seemed to be living the same day over again
waking up each morning expecting something different
the desperate search for some meaning
in my life on this god-forsaken island
was finally ended
on a drippy day that was lost in august
when peering out from underneath a clump of tall wet weeds
was a small patch of lonesome galveston field shrooms
promising to provide me with just the right amount of poison
and the possibility of transforming my summer into something special

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 23:28:03 GMT

Sorting through and then moving almost 20 years worth of bullshit sure is a pain in the ass, but it really has been worth it. Living in my new house is like being on vacation every day. I can't believe that this place is my new home.

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 07:07:04 GMT

I sometimes have to remind myself,

something that feels this good can't be all that bad.

WILDERNESS

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 02:09:59 GMT

"Have you ever seen God?"
--a mandala. A symmetrical angel.

Felt? yes. Fucking. The Sun.
Heard? Music. Voices.
Touched? an animal. your hand.
Tasted? Rare meat, corn, water,
& wine.

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 06:36:19 GMT

i've discovered that i only live for one thing
that feeling that i've transcended my own miserable isolation
by connecting with others
in those holy cocaine moments
when my soul seems to open up for all to see

i stay up all night
tiptoeing around the house until dawn
just me and these cool cats that i snagged from the streets
i suck on a few cancer sticks
smokeable death
i sink deeper into the ground
and feel closer to my mother

ROT IN HELL.

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 07:23:13 GMT

I refuse to be pushed around just because you think I'm a sheltered rich white girl.

Don't ever fucking tell me what I have and have not experienced.

You're not the only one who has been to hell and back,

YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.

We'll see what you've got to say once you've found your own mother dead and cold, lying on a filthy bathroom floor.

David's joke

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 19:29:22 GMT

One day, a little boy goes over to his grandparents house and spends some quality time on the front porch with his grandfather. Grandpa is drinking a beer, and the little boy asks if he can have some. "Can your dick touch your asshole?" asks the grandpa. The little boy answers no, so the grandpa replies, "Well, then you aren't old enough to drink beer". The little boy goes back to his grandparents house about a week later and sits on the porch again with his grandpa. He asks his grandpa if he can have some of his beer. "Can your dick touch your asshole yet?" the grandpa asks. He says it still cant, so Grandpa says, "Sorry boy, but you're still not old enough to drink beer." Later, the little boy goes inside where his grandma gives him a plate of fresh cookies. The little boy goes back outside to sit on the porch again, holding his plate of cookies. The grandpa asks him if he can have one, so the little boy asks, "Can YOUR dick touch YOUR asshole, Grandpa?" "It sure can," the grandpa answers.

"Well, then go fuck yourself. These are my cookies."

That was the joke he told me the first day we met.
I laughed so hard that I fell in love.

?

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 07:15:59 GMT

I had an epiphany in biology class on Thursday when the TA started lecturing about the different chemical changes that happen during the lifetime of plants.

I wondered, what is it exactly that triggers those changes? What makes a plant grow? It definitely doesn't decide to do so on its own.

It was at that moment that I realized that it must be the work of something magical, some mysterious force that must exist within every living thing on earth.

There have been times in my life when I thought I felt it, times when I was overwhelmed by a feeling that there was something inside of me that somehow connected me to every other living thing around me.

I honestly don't believe there is any other explanation. I don't know if what I'm feeling is the presence of some god, but I do know that it is something special.

It really just makes me happy to be alive.

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 21:52:09 GMT

"I don't want to see you follow in your mother's footsteps."

That's what my dad said to me after he read an IM conversation I left on the screen that mentioned something about me being drunk a couple nights before, and just that one sentence immediately made me think to myself,

What the hell does that mean? What does he not want me to do? Be kickass?

At that moment I realized that I am no doubt my mother's daughter and that I couldn't possibly take any more pride in that. My mother's blood runs through my veins. Every time I get an excited urge to go crazy and run wild in the streets, I know that that's my mother in me, and I refuse hold that back. I want to let her live on inside of me.

So for the first time in my life, I stared straight into my dad's eyes and replied,

"DAD, JUST GET OVER IT."

We like living crazy.

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 04:31:59 GMT

i love all the trouble we get ourselves into
totally ignoring my dad's instructions to be home at a decent hour
bumpy rides in your old jeep through the Frisco-like fog
we blow smoke like a chimney into the wind
parked next to the railroad tracks
only to be stopped again at the bridge
and I don't mind waiting for boats and trains
as long as you're waiting with me
giving me those candy kisses
I know this love is for real
you have a light in your eyes that matches mine

Thanksgiving is going to blow big time.

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 20:00:35 GMT

Boy, do I have a major case of the blues.

I left my 9 o'clock bio lecture class and headed straight to David's dorm room just like I always do every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning. We cuddled in his giant bean bag, as usual. Everything was peachy until he got a random call from his buddy who said that he was leaving for Fort Worth today instead of Wednesday. He's David's only ride, so he has no choice but to go home today.

Looks like it's going to be a long and lonely Thanksgiving break.

This sucks.

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 05:12:08 GMT

I haven't been this happy since the beginning of my sophomore year in high school. Maybe it's because I've fallen in love harder than I ever have before. I never imagined that I would find the perfect guy at A&M. I never thought I would get along with anyone at all at A&M, but it turns out that I'm having a fucking blast.

LAWL @ David

loveandhaight67@tamu.edu — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 18:11:28 GMT

"So, what's your girlfriend like, David?"

"She's basically me but in hot female form."